Can I be honest? I haven’t written anything for my blog in two months, that’s right two months! Here’s the thing, I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately because at times I find it hard to sit down and write something inspirational. I can come up with hundreds of reasons of why I haven’t been able to focus (work, family, house) but it all comes down to me not feeling the inspiration to write. It’s not that there isn’t plenty of things to talk about, it’s just none of them felt important to share with everyone and perhaps that’s where the issue lies. I’m going to try to talk more about life as it happens and more in the moment.
I finally sat down this week and simply decided that I would write down what’s been on my mind lately….friendship! That’s right, friendship and here’s why I’ve been thinking about it. To me friends are an extension of family, personally having grownup not having a close family unit left me craving deep and meaningful relationships. Looking back on high school, college and even my first job out of college I was hanging out with the same group of people day in and day out. It was easy to find common ground and build relationships. As we got older, married and moved away, those friendships became distant until those people simply became Facebook and Instagram friends, i.e. we post pictures of our families, occasionally comment on posts and send holiday cards. We don’t get together, we don’t text or call, we’ve simply become acquaintances. That’s not anything tragic, it’s part of life for people to come and go. However, as we get older forming friendships and finding a common ground is more challenging because we now look for quality in our relationships not quantity of them.
The great thing about having solid and long lasting friendships is that no matter the distance or time, you can always pick up where you left off. I have a few friends like that where we might go months without seeing each other, but I’m always thinking of them and vice versa. A very good friend happens to live in the same town as me and our girls are very close, we both come from the same cultural background and find comfort in the similarities of how we were brought up. Seeing my daughter grow up with someone who is like another sister to her is heart warming. Some of my newer friendships were formed because of my children either through daycare or some activity, I find comfort in knowing that we’re all juggling similar responsibilities and the fun part is knowing that we’re all drinking a little more wine lately.
Some friendships run their course and simply become not worth the emotional investment, I’m talking about the ones where it becomes a one-way street and no longer balanced. It’s the type of friend, where the relationship runs on their terms and only when it’s convenient for them. I used to get upset about having a friend like that and couldn’t fathom why I was the one constantly reaching out and trying to organize a get-together, until I finally decided to shift my energy towards those who want to be a part of my life. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ve grown apart from those people and things that we used to find in common are no longer there. I stopped initiating our conversations and while we still occasionally text, it’s limited to well wishes around the holidays and birthdays. It’s sad to think about it at times, but it’s important for me to put it out there and acknowledge it.
Friendships are supposed to lift you up and make you feel good, I’ve learned that the mark of a good friend is someone you can call when you’re in trouble and they will drop everything to be there for you. You should feel like you get back as much as you give in a friendship, as opposed to being an endless well of support, attention, and energy for someone else. One of my favorite quotes on friendship is “friends are the family we chose for ourselves” so I say choose wisely.